


apple scented tears

by addera1l (werewx1f)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Attempted Murder, Canonical Character Death, Childhood Trauma, Frontotemporal Dementia, Hurt Stiles, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Nogitsune, Post-Nogitsune, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sick Claudia Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski Has ADHD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 10:16:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21177773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/werewx1f/pseuds/addera1l
Summary: stiles doesnt like baths anymore.there isnt proper capitalization in this fic, so fair warning





	apple scented tears

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SnowKofi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowKofi/gifts).

> i love stiles so much and im sorry for making him go through pain

stiles hasnt liked baths since he was Nine Years Old and his mother tried to drown him, overflowing the water as she reached in to hold his head underneath and watching with a vindictive look as he scrambled to grasp at her arms and to bring himself above water and as he left red lines down her arms. at nine years old he stops the baths, throws out the apple scented body wash that makes bubbles, and watches as his mother is admitted to the hospital because she isnt his mother more than the times she is. he refuses to even shower for a week, spraying the hose at himself until his father makes him come inside and use his bathroom instead. 

its really is a kind of irony that he is going to die in a bathtub after all this time avoiding them

his dad was the one to find them, and claudia had looked at him with a nonchalance, like she wasnt holding stiles under the water with all her might, half submerged herself. stiles doesnt remember what his dad yelled but he remembers him grabbing claudia roughly and yanking her out of the tub and moving to pull stiles up. he said some words but stiles couldnt focus, breathing in great lungfuls of air and sobbing while his mother screams that hes out to get her, dont you see that? stiles knows then that when he turns Ten Years Old next week that this is all hes going to be thinking of. 

scott doesnt get why stiles flinches when he mentions baths for the longest time, and when stiles tells him, in short, halted statements, that his mother tried to drown him, he looks horrified. scott cries when stiles starts crying (before, but stiles lets scott have some pride), and stiles doesnt remember much more of the conversation that isnt hugs and tears, and after that scott doesnt mention baths, or drowning, for a long time. 

peter knows, somehow. well, stiles doesnt know that peter knows, but the bastard knows a lot, and stiles wouldnt put it past him. and for all the tact peter doesnt have (defense mechanism), he does have tact enough not to mention it if he does know. he brings up stiles "stench of adderall" though, and laughs when he flicks him off. 

stiles and the sheriff never discuss it, really. its too hard to put their pain into words, and stiles doesnt want to start a conversation with "you know how mom tried to murder me,"(for the second time—although the sheriff doesnt know that)," can we talk about that?oh, no? you just want whiskey now. ok. my bad." one time the sheriff accidentally says "go take a bath, stiles" and begins crying, so stiles figures its not an open topic. (he cries later) 

lydia gives him apple scented bubble bath soap for his birthday. he "accidentally" knocks it into the trashcan, and doesnt bother digging it out. she notices, of course, and asks, and when stiles gives her a desperately blank look, she declares she'll have to give him a real present tomorrow, then, and bounces off (presumably to the store, or her evil genius lair) 

stiles almost has a panic attack three times while holding up derek in the pool (he doesnt like any bodies of water anymore), and sits holding his legs, blankly, when they're ffinally safe. derek stands there awkwardly, and stiles looks up and says "trauma, right," and promptly has a horrible panic attack. derek is surprisingly helpful (after his hands are batted away from the back of stiles neck and hes giving a proper hug) in the whole ordeal, and stiles has a thought that werewolves should give more hugs after the panic subsides

stiles desperately does not want to get in the tubs. he really, really doesnt. he even asks deaton if theres another way that doesnt involve bathtubs, and when deaton "its the safest way" stiles blurts out "but is there another" and deaton gives him a sad look and ushers him into the room with his friends(hes going to die for them) with three big tubs (hes going to die) full of ice and soon(his corpse) his body. maybe, stiles thinks, before being pushed (pushed!) into the water, my fear will be conquered. the panic that fills his brain and makes it painfully fuzzy right before he passes out tells him that it wont be 

stiles scrambles out of the tub when he regains consciousness, his mind feeling frayed like the edges of a shirt tore through by claws, like something is missing and its not just his mothers sanity. he lies on the floor and laughs. really, this is ridiculous

the door in his mind was torn off its hinges and hes left open(ajar) to the pain the next month gives him, the void swallowing him whole. the whole debacle that follows gives stiles more graves to visit, and a feeling like not fitting into his own body right(possession makes you realize how much room you actually have in there) or perhaps like this wasnt his body in the end, just a puppet in its game(it lost, stiles thinks. it lost)

stiles cant help but think that maybe he wouldnt have been as susceptible if it wasnt for that damned bath. he cant bring up his theories with anyone, theyre all in mourning, anyway, and he doesnt want to discuss almost drowning or anything adjacent ever again, if thats quite alright. its enough having to look at his own hands and remember twisting a sword through his best friend. its best to tuck it away. compartmentalize. tuck all of the bad thoughts into little boxes and dont cry every time he has to go to sleep or take a shower or look at his friends grief-stricken faces.

**Author's Note:**

> this stemmed from the episode required reading and a desire to explore that more


End file.
